Tiger Direct: Patronizing Warranty Selling MFers

It kinda feels like Tiger Direct is actually calling me an idiot, which, is a bad practice when you want my money...Here's what they auto wrote, what I wrote, what they autowrote.

Dear Kevin,

You did your research. You followed up on the hot tip and you made a smart investment with TigerDirect. You're on a roll.

However, our records indicate you didn't buy an Extended Service Plan at the time of purchase. Why gamble now? Invest a few minutes, and you won't have to worry about high-repair costs for years to come.

Click below to purchase your Extended Service Plan, but like all good offers, timing is everything.

Dear Tiger,

There is a 1 year factory warranty on my purchase...why should I pay you for a warranty? I mean, seriously, why would I even shop at TigerDirect unless I was trying to save money and not pay the scam prices of extended warranty and other tacked on fees and charges?

In most circumstances the onus of producing a good product is on the manufacturer. If they will not make the right decision when a product malfunctions then they lose customers.

Plus, a year from now when the warranty expires it will most likely be time for me to get new Christmas presents anyway and most likely, I will be able to get a better version of the same product for much cheaper and it will be NEW.

Thanks for the patronizing e-mail, but no thanks,

Kevin

Greetings from TigerDirect.com.

We're sorry. You replied to an address that can't accept
incoming e-mail. But don't worry--this automated response
will direct you to the right place at TigerDirect.com.

Sincerely,

TigerDirect.com

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Older Than teh Internet.

Ok, so here's a quick list of things that I find to be older than the internet. Lol.











10. Optimus Prime
9. Fanboys
8. Star Wars
7. Face it, Ron Jermemy is older than the internet.
6. Charles Bronson...
5. Donald Duck Gets a blow job (link)
4. Duke Nukem
3. This guy....Obviously
2. All Your Base Are Belong to us
1. Free Music

Ron Paul is Not Right: His head is emptying all over the internet.

In a New York Times article, (yes, THE NYTIMES, that paragon of ______), Ron Paul is an exciting longshot candidate.

If anything, an article titled, "The Antiwar, Anti-Abortion, Anti-Drug-Enforcement-Administration, Anti-Medicare Candidacy" will tell you two things: 1.) Grammatically, the hyphen is difficult to consitently implement and 2.) No Fucking Way Ron Paul.

Ron Paul is a flash-in-the-pan man who's political ideas are so self-centered they aren't meant for government use. The planet is becoming more dense so we have to come up with government solutions that can capture the needs of the largest population, not simply cater to the people with the luxury of insular existences in the stix.

One thing Ron Paul doesn't want to pay for is other people's education. In his perfect world college and university wouldn't be subsidized by taxpayer dollars. The idea is that if one isn't attending college why should one pay for another's attendance?

It's a rhetorical question in treatment, to be sure, but there is a real and simple answer. The answer is this, We are a nation and our survivalibility is dependant on the success of all Americans.

So, if you want to drop out of high school and manage your father's furniture store then you can argue all you want about not wanting to pay for university - an altogether unecessary endeavor, eg, 'Look at me and my furniture store!' - when your husband gets Cancer and the people who would cure it couldn't afford college. Afterall, without government subsidies college will over triple in cost and as the funding dwindles Professors will be paid less and departments will be forced to close.

This is one example of Ron Paul's myopic viewpoint's damaging effects on our society. This is just one example of how he just says shit. He doesn't think it through.

He's exciting and the .net/iphone/XBOX world is falling for it in a way that surpasses logic and engenders the false dichotomies of binary thinking.

Cagey Cane

*The Photo you see is from fassettphoto.com

I was driving down the road at a whipping 35mph today and I guess the whipping part was the wind coming in through my small, triangular windowless frame on the passenger side of my Jeep Cherokee. Previously, there was a window before some methhead (or some otherwise addled person of desperate status)
broke the window with a screwdriver and jacked my car stereo.

I have to give this hooligan his (is it sexist to imagine it was a man?) due because it could have been much worse. Nothing else was stolen and he did break the smallest window, didn't damage the car too much, etc.

Like I said earlier, I was driving down the road at a whipping speed when I saw a man walking down the street swinging a cane with a four-pronged base while walking happily. Judging by my keen eye of homelessness and generally impequniousness I was able to ascertain that this man with a jovial and proverbial spring in his step was, above being physically mobile, homeless.

Let me tell you that there are many fakers and goldbrickers in the homeless community and this was merely one who I saw one day in an odd set of circumstances which revealed his hoax. Certainly, in all walks of life there exist personages who will try to flim-flam others and swindle, et al, but as an astute reader, I imagine, you have already come across this valuable information.

More valuable to you is this additional tidbit: homeless people with canes are not all injured and infirm. Their weak gaits are a decoy and their canes are weapons to be brandished at the first scent of fight or flight confrontations.

Do not mistake a man with a cane as being weak. Think of him instead as cagey.

Early from the Nest

I found a poem between the legs of an assaulted woman.
It was a throbbing abused verse like a mute, dying chic.

As the clouds passed over the sun it became inaudible and invisible;
The bird died in the dark simply because it fell from a tree onto the street.

In January a hen was sitting on an egg and biting at intruders
to guard the nest and incubate the egg with its ass on folded legs.

The first cracks of the shell appeared and a baby breathed air - in a gasp.

Before it learned to fly it was flailing in the air and without knowing it hit the ground
and poetry drained from the skull of the bird and from between its legs it bled onto the street.

28 Weeks Later...What they say!

Instead of writing a review of this movie I'm just going to respond to what others have said. For instance, if Such and Such Big Shot Movie Reviewer Gal says "Awesome flick" then my response would be something like, "piss off you intestine smelling foul wretch."

Here we go.

This Comes from Ian Winter of Channel 4 Films:

"Well worth seeing, especially for fans of the original. But all its brilliance only serves to compound the disappointing and pedestrian final half hour."

"Well worth seeing if you haven't got any eyes! But then everything is worth seeing because it would be nice to be able to see. Duh...Not that there's anything wrong with not being able to see. It's a dis-uh-bility."

Kevin Williams of Jam! Movies Writes:

"Fresnadillo, who also co-wrote the screenplay, understands that true horror lies in the moral choices men and women make in the direst of circumstances."

"Why don't you make a moral choice and jam this movie up your flaccid ass?"

Brian Webster of the Apollo Guide Writes:

"While parallels with the Iraq situation are unmistakeable, it's more concerned with terrifyingly dismal atmosphere and a kinetic, intense race for survival."

"This has nothing to do with Vietnam Walter!"

Peter Vonder Haar of Film Threat Writes:

"The first half of 28 Weeks Later is highly enjoyable, assuming you find things like cowardice, official incompetence, and nihilistic visions of the future entertaining."

"Yeah Pete, I agree the movie sucks but WTF are you talking about?!"

Betty Jo Tucker of Reel Talk Movie Reviews says:

"Yikes! '28 Weeks Later' is a very, very scary movie."

"OMG you're a retarded."

Scott Tobias of the ever-shilling Onion AV Clubs Says:

"Under Fresnadillo's assured direction, 28 Weeks Later blurs the line between genre entertainment and a photojournalist's shots of the next urban catastrophe."

"And you wonder why Fresnadillo doesn't return your calls. Groupie. Why don't you go staple your face shut and stop breathing you dick drip?"

Peter Travers of Rolling Stone

"Fresnadillo ups the gore quotient and shows a penchant for showoff editing and strobe lighting that Boyle avoided. It grabs you though, hard and often."

"You said hard and often. You're an idiot Travers. You didn't even watch this one did you? You got the dvd in the mail and you didn't even open it. You were too busy masturbating to old issues of Spin while listening to yacht rock and rubbing mustard on your nipples."

Dennis Dermody of Paper

Looks like my critical hero passed on reviewing this one. Way to go Dennis.

A Letter To tha Washington Post...

Knowingly, I'm stealing the below from myself...well, my myspace self, but I wanted an entry already...

A letter to tha, um, Washington Post

Yo, it's time again to post another blog. This is just an example about the weird shit that happens to me, (mainly I cause it...).

I was reading an article about this violinist the Washington Post who setup to play a set during a.m. rush hour in the lobby of L'Enfant Plaza, which is, a government building. He dressed like a regular street musician for his performance whereas recently he sold out a very prestigious venue in the DC area with his million-five dollar violin.

The point of the article is to show how stupid people are, namely, that they cannot appreciate greatness on their way to work. So I finished reading the article and was pissed. So I wrote the writer a letter! (click here for the article). If you enjoy this article then maybe next you can next enjoy seppukuing yourself with a Rod Stewart album.

Date:	Sun, 8 Apr 2007 09:44:45 -0700 (PDT)
From:	"Burns Kevin"
Subject:	Strad
To:	weingarten@washpost.com

I don't know why you are so arrogant. But you're kind of a crappy writer. I don't think you are the equivalent to J. Bell in your craft.

You probably didn't know anything you mention in the article before you researched it. So why are you completely subjectively arrogant? You, sir, are a senator. I will be okay being a pedestrian, plebian, &tc but I'm not going to be an asshole making a bet over the unworthiness of mankind. Humanity is music.

Fuck off.

In re-reading this e-mail I noticed a few typos and also the petulance and mockish tone but I was pretty pissed at the time, (and I plagiarized Shakespeare). His response is equally smarmy if not more infantish, which is a propos if you consider the setting of the piece was L'Enfant, which is French for "stupid baby".

From:	"Gene Weingarten"
To:	"Burns Kevin"
Date:	Mon, 16 Apr 2007 08:35:13 -0400

Thank you, Kevin, for your well thought out email. It is always a pleasure to hear from intelligent readers.

Were you by chance at L'Enfant Plaza that morning?

Obviously to the readers of this blog, I was not, at L'Enfant and probably never will be. What gets me the most about the article is that this guy pretends to truly appreciate the Musician and identify with him but it is impossible. He can only vicariously enjoy his talent. It is the equivalent of being an adult film cameraman talking to John Holmes about how small all of the other guys cocks are in comparison to his and never having to whip out his own cock to justify making such a statement. Weak. I guess that's appropriate too because this journalist's name is basically German for "small dick"...weinergarten, (or dick school, which, you know, either way is funny). Meh.