The Replacement Method.
It should be called something in one of the soft sciences - and I'm sure it is, but it was a revelation all my own while I was taking a bath and drinking miller high life, aka, the Champagne of Beers.
I was trying to read a book in the tub and the book was quickly dissolving. I could not focus. I started asking a bunch of brinskmanship (a la Palahniuk) type of questions. In a way it was eschatalogical.
With the new year brings new ruminations and new angles on old perspectives, etc. This close to 30 I was getting a bit depressed. It was New Year's stuff, what I want to change, do better until I started getting frustrated by the concept of being absolutely inchoate. I've never taken charge to become any particular destiny.
I tell myself I'm gonna be a vegetarian, lose weight, be more creative and all the sort of cliche ideas many people turn into life changing resolutions.
Ok and I have to make a small admission, since it's my own tub (or I'm renting, what's the difference?) I pissed a bit into the tub. My own piss, afterall.
To make matters worse I even kind of spit a little bit. I just pushed it out of my mouth and let it run down my chin. The I propelled some spit onto my chest, then against the bathtub wall.
This is because I'm fucked up in the head. I want to pretend to hit rock bottom. I don't really want to be living on the streets but every once in a while I try to sort of trash myself and feel mucky. I try to pretend that there really is something wrong with me, that my life is miserable and there, clearly, is no reason to perpetuate breathing.
It's a sham, the meaningless feelings I feel. I have resolutions because I like the concept of finding something to be disciplined about because ultimately, I'm looking for something to give my life meaning, to put me on the path of achieving greatness. I'm not one of the one's shakespeare talked about, greatness isn't exactly thrusting itself "upon me".
As emo as this blog already sounds let me tell you that I'm not trying to be maudlin. I just weave in and out of thoughts until I have a braid. Sometimes this involves typing...
The post title, though, it's Replacement Method. This is my bathtub brainchild. I concocted it while I was spitting and peeing on myself.
I was playing with somebody else's kid the other day and I was picking him up and swinging him around. He loved it. For sure. you could tell he doesn't get that enough, that throwing stuff, I mean. The swinging. He's so high energy that I imagine he needs more attention. Who knows really? With kids these days maybe they don't need attention, but rittalin.
Which is the essence of the Replacement method. After swinging him for a while I became tired. So I tried to feed him a piece of pie. It worked for about a minute. Then the pie was gone. Then I tried to replace his desire of swinging with his desire to throw stuff. So we threw stuff.
I'm sure my parents did the same thing. By the time you get tired of reading to your own children they can read themselves so you just send them on their way to read a book. Otherwise, if they aren't so studious, you can buy them a Nintendo Wii.
Continue this pattern. Other replacement options are jobs, alcohol, drugs, weather, psychosis and anything that can possibly stand between you and your dreams. Or, at least distract you long enough so that you lose focus of what is really important to you.
This is the replacement method.
For 2008 I want to tear away the things which break my focus.
Replacing what you want in life for the things that you don't, ultimately with destroy who you are at the core. Take on the resolution with me if you want - I hope you do.
Keep on dreaming and keep on truckin'. FTW.
